I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
