You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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