All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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