please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
