Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
