He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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