We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
whose parrot is this?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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