she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
