Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
