I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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