Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
