I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
