Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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