Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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