sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
