i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
