i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
