Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
