And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
