Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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