Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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