In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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