I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
