You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
