I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Only a mothe r could love this liver
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
