420 ftw
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
