There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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