Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
