Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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