they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
