Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
