Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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