Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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