They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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