I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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