What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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