Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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