Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
