How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
