i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
