He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
