mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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