I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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