That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
