I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
