I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
