When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
A+ Viking dick
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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