Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
