It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
