Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
its not stalking. its research.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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