I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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