i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
