i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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