Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
