the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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