I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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