Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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