i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
