its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
