her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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