I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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