he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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