We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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