the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
