laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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