nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
