Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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