He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
